ALDO

Check it out peeps. Watch me werq it.

Just like those AA girls in them Apparel ads.

You know the ones:

all sprawled out in spandex, tight mini dresses,

see-through mesh tops, legs wide open

across the slick magazine page.

Mmmm.

Page 12 of the AA catalogue.

I wanna be THAT girl.

She’s totally killin’ it in that striped mini dress.
And behind her blasé stare, I bet she’s thinking:

“What’re you lookin’ at anyways?”

With a vibe like that, all the douchebagtoolery

in the world can’t touch her.

She’s that cool.

I bet when she walks down the street,

people whisper about how hot she is
and what a badass style she has.
Dammit. I wanna be like that.

I wanna be her.

So when I’m home alone, I prep in front of a mirror.
And I snap some pics.

So maybe I can’t *actually* afford the Lycra wardrobe,

but I’ve managed to thrift a whole bunch of pieces

from Village and the Sally Ann.
The reason for my shoot today: new gloves I retooled.
They’re black, with fingers I cut off

and a really cool tangled mesh effect.
I wanna mix them in with these fluo-red,

vintage spandex tights that used to
be my faves in figure skating.
(Dammit, these leggings are so smooth

I can’t help but rub my legs up and
down all the time.

Mmmm. Self-love, yeah.)

Setting Up

So as soon as my roomie, Meg, heads out the door I get started.
It’s easy.
First, I gotta get a groove on to psyche myself up,

so I hook up my player to the mini-speakers

on my dresser and blast some tunes.
Right now I’m really into Seb Tellier

(seriously — I’m talkin’ eargasm, people)

‘cause last time I stopped by AA — I’ve been stalking

this silver one-piece leotard for a month now —

I heard it playing.
(It’s not like I was about to ask one of the girls who it was,

‘cause that would be lame, so I just said in passing,

as I casually fished for info:

“I just looove this song,”

and she said, “yeah, I’m all over Tellier.”
Thankyverymuchyercoolnessyeah.)

Then I sneak into Meg’s room (heh, heh… shhhh),

take her mirror off the
wall, and bring it to my bedroom.
I rest it *oh so carefully* against a chair

just in front of my mirror but a little off to the side,

with enough room for me to sit on the ground.

(That way I can check out the goods in the rear view too.)
After that, I unzip my futon cover just a lil

and reach for the soft plastic envelope where I keep

all the good pics I printed from past photo shoots.

I tape them to Meg’s mirror for inspiration,

right beside the real Apparel ads.
Next, I place my camera on the edge of my dresser

under my window at the *perfect* angle.
To finish off, I turn on the 10-second self–timer.

With the latest copy of Nylon spread open in pieces

across my bedroom floor, I’m ready to pardee.

Pose #1

Ok, now. Pucker up.
Raise your shoulders.
Oh, wait — arm up. Arghh...
Ok. Again.
Bum out.
Glasses slipping, make it stop….
Ok. Re-adjust.
Deep breath.
Focus, Elsie.
Good.
Now claw at the camera.
That’s it Elsie, you’re a tiger — gimme that hard look!
Grrrrrr!
Click.

Pose #2

Shit. This pose looks hard.
Oh, wait — I’m going to have to balance on one foot. 
K. Deep breath.
You can do it Elsie.
Pretend you took ballet.
That’s it, now stop shaking.
Ok. Raise that leg.
Hold it.
Focus, Elsie.
Reach back with your right arm.
Arghhh…. The other right.
K. Now, tilt you head a little to the side.
Good.
Now let go of the wall.
Yeah, that’s it, gimme that Flashdance vibe!
Oooooooh!
Click.

Intermission

Wow. I’m totally killin’ it today.

One more pose to go, and it looks like
these are gonna be good enough to upload.


Hey you.
Yeah, that’s right.
You in the mirror, with those sexy brown curls

slidin’ off your shoulder.
You’re beautiful.
No. Really. I mean it.


Dammit. Now I’m blushin’.

Seriously though, you know what the best part is?
Before going to school or at night before we go out,

I don’t have to torture myself over what to wear

‘cause I already know.
You could call it planning ahead.
K, it’s time to get back to my shoot.